insert-gender

2008-06-26T00:13:00.000+08:00

Bon voyage!

2008-06-10T20:14:00.002+08:00

나 새로운 친구.
다 너무 귀여워요.
박해민, 김원식, 김화현!
완전 행복해요.
ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ~
메롱 메롱 XD

2008-06-09T11:36:00.003+08:00

Waiting like crazy.
Will they contact me?

I'm feeling great today.
I just feel so happy.
행복해요~ ㅋㅋㅋ

2008-06-08T00:38:00.002+08:00

I get sick and tired of my life these days.
I wish I could just erase every single bit in my head.
It hurts so bad that it's eating me up from inside.
I know I have to learn how to let go.

But I just can't do it.
I'm being sucked into this dimension.
I hate myself for behaving like this.
I don't understand myself either.

I really wonder about the future.
The path which I'm going to take.
Will I get lost along the way?

No one else is to be blame for all this.
I have to stand up and face this.
Why wasn't I wise enough back then?

I can't go on like this forever.
There's no meaning to life.
I don't want it to be this way.
This isn't right at all.

I hate this feeling.
I want to get out of this mess.
But the more I struggle, the more I sink, faster.
When will all these end?

I will wait for you.
Even if it takes a million rains.
Till your colours shine on me.
My little rainbow.

2008-06-07T12:37:00.002+08:00

The rain brings back many memories.
It just warms my heart to hear the rain.
It's been years since I played in the rain.
I wonder if I ever get to do that again.

I don't want to be reminded of them.
I don't want to bump into them.

I will wait for the rainbow.
No matter how long it takes.
I will sincerely wait till it comes.

2008-06-04T22:06:00.002+08:00

Shame on me.
For not knowing about this.

Let's cover our privates.
Selamat Hari Raya!

2008-06-03T20:43:00.002+08:00

Lunch with momma.
She's so irritating & loveable.

I need a new pair of specs.
I'm sick of my current hairstyle.
Overgrown mullet.

I feel like cutting it short.
Just like 혜명(Hye-Myung) in 궁(Goong).
But I look cuter with long hair. haha

2008-06-02T19:27:00.001+08:00

No mood today.
Toothache is killing me.

2008-06-01T23:30:00.002+08:00

Magnolia Go! Drink.
It's a little sour.
Probably because of the malt.

Chee chiong fun anyone?
Chris (Battle) looks like ...
Ryu's (Battle) looking good.

Ever since Big Bang's Lie.
Everyone wants a taste of that kind of genre.
Son Dambi, Kim Dong Wan, Battle etc.

Fighting? XD

2008-05-31T20:04:00.012+08:00

I feel so sorry for lamb chop.
I worry for her every now and then.
What will become of her in the future?

Of course I want the best for her.
Even though she ain't my daughter.
I looked upon her as my little sister.

I want her to have a beautiful childhood.
I want everything to be perfect.

She means everything to me.
Her laughter, cries and smiles.
A day without her seems like a thousand years.

I thank God for bringing her into this world.
Colouring my black and white potrait.
Telling me there's more to life.

You're my only joy.
You're my only tears.

what?

2008-05-30T19:07:00.003+08:00

'Jialat'.
I'm back to square one.
What the fuck 'sia'.

Here's a shout out:
"I-phone si bei sucks lah".
"Haptic! Haptic!".

I'm sick of sushi now.
I'm craving for 'ddeok bokki'.
I'm addicted to chocopie now.

To people who gives out flyers for a living.
I feel/share your pain.
It ain't easy.

It took me half an hour.
To give out a freaking thick stack of flyers.
How do I do it?

Flash a big BIG big smile.
Say "Thank You" if people take the damn flyer.
Say it with full of energy!

Ha-ha!
Easy peasy aye?

such a fool

2008-05-24T23:33:00.002+08:00

She's taking advantage of you.
I told you not to help them.
But you wouldn't listen.

You're afraid they'll get offended.
What kind of fucking excuse is that?
No wonder they're stepping all over you.

You don't fucking listen to me.
Then you'll get all stressed up.
Vent your fucking frustrations on me.

I'm not a tool.
I have feelings too.
I don't wanna listen to shits everyday.

Recently my head gets all tight.
This only happens whenever I feel angry.
Fuck it.

She's such a fucking fool.
I'm talking about my momma.

a new start

2008-05-22T23:39:00.002+08:00

I take my hats off for momma.
Who would wanna accompany me?
Under the sorching sun.

I think this is it.
Even though I didn't make it to Poly.
God has other things in store for me.

Alhamdulilah.

it's not right, it's not wrong either

2008-05-21T12:02:00.004+08:00

I got hired.
I'm so happy and nervous.
I'm gonna collect my uniform tomorrow.
Momma's accompanying me.

I know, what's up with that?
Eventually she talked to me this morning.
She wanted to fry banana fritters.
She needed my help at that point of time.

I hate her.
But I love her so much.
I hate to lose her too.
Because I only have 1 mother in this world.

That's why I call myself stupid.
I'm a sucker for this kinda "thing".
Syukur Alhamdulilah.
God has given me, rezeki.

I'm thankful for that.
I really hope history don't repeat itself.
I don't want the same thing to happen.
Just like when I was in Haagen Dazs.
Not forgetting fucking Starbucks.

I'm one step closer to my goals now.
I'm one step closer to Daesung Oppa.
I'm so excited and nervous.

=)

뜨거 (Deugoh) Hot!

2008-05-20T21:38:00.002+08:00

The weather's really humid.
I'm just watching tv.
Yet I feel so warm and icky.

Mom's ignoring me.
Just because I yelled at her.
Like what the fuck?

Having a shot gun marriage?
Or get yelled at?
Which is worse?

Just shoot me.
I'm sick and tired of this shit.

Samsung Haptic!

2008-05-19T00:41:00.004+08:00

Just gimme 3 weeks.
I'm sure I can make it.
I'm so fucking sure about it.

Maybe after all of that.
Employers out there.
Will find me more appealing.

I'm so in love with Samsung Haptic.
It's sooooooo freaking pretty.
I want it in pink!

Maybe by the time I've got a job.
And after I've saved enough.
There'll be more to choose from.
Even better than Haptic?

Heh.
Me and my angan-angan.
I hate my hair.
Well, just one part of it.

Yun Nam?
Beijing 101?
Any hair care centre will do.
Of course; gotta consider the haram & halal.

the problem lies with you

2008-05-17T16:07:00.002+08:00

I can't take it anymore.
I just hope for a 4 tonne lorry to hit me.
I will go crazy sooner or later.

Seriously, just fucking get a divorce.
It's getting on my nerves.
Both of you are lucky enough.
At least I didn't go astray.

One is an egoistic stubborn faggot.
The other is wasting money,
on a fucking idiot who doesn't appreciate.
I don't fucking understand!

Your fucking son is just using you.
Using all your money.
You can't give me money to buy ledger paper.
But you could fork out hundreds of dollars.
Just to settle that idiot's overdue bills.

Like what the fuck?
Now you tell me why I've lost the will to study.
I just don't fucking get it.
I really don't.

It's just fate.
That I have two morons for parents.
Two idiotic most ungrateful step-brothers.
And female version of that faggot as my sister.

I'd rather have nothing at all.
Than to have such people in my life.
Sometimes I wonder why I'm stupid.
Stupid enough to help them every time.

I'm a fucking dumb ass.
A fucking loser.
That's what I am.

어떻게?!

2008-05-16T19:17:00.004+08:00

그 사람을 좋아한다.
그 사람을 사랑한다.
하지만!
그 사람은 몰랐어.
어떻게?!

That same feeling

2008-05-14T13:56:00.007+08:00

It was slightly cold.
The weather seemed familiar.

It brought back memories back in 2005.
When my buddy had to leave for America.
That same feeling.

It was also the same feeling.
The same routine I went through.
My journey to College East, every morning.

I know I sound a little crazy.
But even the smell of the rain was familiar.
The way it falls to the earth.
I felt a sense of warmth from it.

I may not have many friends.
I may not have many close friends.
I may not have many best friends.

But at the very least.
I know what's it like.
To have a true friend.

EUN NEUL AJA!

2008-05-13T18:41:00.005+08:00

For 2 solid months.
Life couldn't get better. (suju's song 'miracle')
Slacking like nobody's business.
I'm 'enjoying' life damn it.

2 more days to ITE Graduation Day.
That reminds me of something.
Why do people keep pestering me to take a diploma?
You pay for the fees ah! Fucking chi bai!
Talk so much.

Some even suggested for a private diploma.
Oei! Siao bo?
The main point is I do not want to study.
I've lost the will to study.
Why can't they understand my simple theory?
Those wussies and pussies.

Mom keep comparing me with my sister.
Like what the fuck?
It has always been like that.
Like I'm the lazy one.
While she's the hardworking one.

Why?
Just because she's earning some cash.
And of course mom's loving it.
She's a fucking money-minded bitch.

I don't get it sometimes.
Stop comparing me with my sister.
That's her life.
Who she wants to be.
What she wants to do.

I am me.
I have my own goals.
Damn it.

FRUSTRATED

2008-05-12T15:11:00.007+08:00

Sometimes, you just gotta let go.

I get sick and tired of everything these days.

I can't find any peace at home.

Everyone seems to be getting on my nerves.

SHIT-NESS IN ME

2008-05-11T00:57:00.011+08:00

It's not fun being mocked at for the past 18 years. It's not fun being the black sheep of the family. It's not fun having an asshole as a father. It's not fun having a fucking money-minded ungrateful bitch as a mother. It's not fun having 2 step brothers getting all the attention.

It's not fun having a fucking egoistic bitch as a sister. It's not fun when help is not appreciated. It's not fun being thrown aside after use. It's not fun crying every night. It's not fun feeling hatred inside. It's not fun being blamed. It's not fun having no one to trust. It's not fun at all.

I feel like mutilating myself. I feel like stabbing all my family members. I feel like being a prostitute. I feel like setting the whole house on fire. I feel like watching all my family members killed. I feel like digging his guts out. I feel like dragging her by the hair up and down the flat.

I feel like tying norrina up and put her on the lift door. Then I'll keep pressing the close button and I'll watch her crying for help. I feel like chopping my sister's body and send each part to her close friends. I feel like drinking some chlorine.

I hate it.

WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD

2008-05-09T12:27:00.006+08:00

Singlish! Wah si bei lah.. The other day, that pussy chatted with me on msn. Come on lah. I know she's afraid liao. Not happy come and settle with me lah. Like what the fuck. Hide behind your comp screen. Kan na sai! Seriously, you insulted my family and now you wanna act big. Si bei lah.. You just watch out lah tomorrow. What the fuck sia? Make me so pissed.

YEAH BABY YEAH

2008-05-07T22:12:00.003+08:00

I'm a happy girl today!

I'm still poor.

But I'm happy!

Definitely.

Alhamdulilah.

FUCK IT

2008-05-03T23:29:00.003+08:00

I've got nothing else to say. Wealth is everything huh? Go fuck some money then. Stuff some money up your asses. Wear em' too! I do not understand these people sometimes. What is wrong with their minds? Brain damage? I think they need me to dig their brains out. Gotta do some brain washing with chlorine and softener.

It's not like I work for the printing money company. I've got nothing else to give. I can't even find a job for myself. It always have to do with your interests and not mine. I did found a perfect job 2 years ago and was forced to quit after I worked for 1 fucking day only! Why? Because of you!

I was forced to choose between my studies and my job. Like what the fuck? What the fuck is wrong with these people? Whenever I did household chores, they thought I've been slacking at home, sleeping like a pig and watching tv. Whenever I didn't do household chores, they thought the floor was clean and I did a good job maintaining my bedroom. What?

GOT A JOB VACANCY?

2008-05-02T22:44:00.003+08:00

BritishIndia. Like what the fuck? I know nothing about the fashion industry. But I need a job. I had enough of rotting at home for 1 month+ since the last day of school. Firefighter? Immigration Officer?

WE GOT MARRIED

2008-05-01T23:20:00.003+08:00

I'm addicted to "We Got Married". Credits to coolsmurf for subbing the episode. I can't wait for Hwangbo and Hyun Joong (?) couple to be aired this week. I feel sorry for my small teacher. She's having a hard time in poly. I wished I was with her. Actually, I wanted to give her a surprise. But I'm not sure if it's ever gonna happen. I tried my best to get through ufotown and even iple account.

I tried to apply for Cassiopeia but it's only for korean citizens. Even the global fanclub hasn't been activated yet. I looked for their homepage, cyworld and even youtube accounts. Finally I got it! I've sent my request. I'm hoping that whoever reads it will get back to me as soon as possible. Hyung! Him ne seh yo! (Have strength!)

For the last time you wussy, I ain't a lesbian. I make it clear to you. I am straight! No I'm not obsessed about marrying a korean or japanese or chinese. It's just music. Music is universal. A wussy like you can never understand this thing called music appreciation.

이예진

2008-04-30T08:42:00.003+08:00

It has been more than a week since I last ate rice. I wanted to go for ITE Graduation day. Tapi tak diizinkan olehNya. I haven't talked to Yejin more than a month now. Maybe two months? I don't understand her sometimes. She gets sensitive over small matters. Or maybe it's just me? I must admit that I miss her alot!

I used to get long distance calls from her. Despite being told not to waste money, she still calls me just to say "hi" once in awhile. 예진아! 미안. Life is not getting better each day. I hate living in deception. I hate living with pretenders and suckers. Wussies and pussies at home.

I'm really hungry right now. I wish to learn how to cook momma's signature dishes. But she ain't a good teacher. I can do other stuff like cleaning, washing and sewing. But the one thing I can never excel in is cooking. I will marry a dashing chef in future!

PRETTY PISSED

2008-04-29T21:29:00.004+08:00

Those pussies and wussies! Grr!

형, 힘네!

2008-04-22T23:41:00.005+08:00

I can't stand it anymore! I can't stand it! It's just too much. I'll be away for a few weeks. I will be back in May. Gotta blast!

To dearest Hyung:
It's hard for me to find a friend who is so patient with me. Tolerating my nonsense all the time. Forgiving at the same time. I didn't really like you when I got to know you at first. For real's ya'll. I didn't expect you to pour out everything to me. (you know what I mean right?) Well bro, I still want to keep in touch with you. I want to be your friend for life! =) Teman yang paling hebat! Kangen sama kamu!

I KNOW I'M FAT

2008-04-20T22:42:00.004+08:00

Right. So I haven't been really into my goals these few days. Reason being, I'm lazy and my mind's outta place. I haven't clean up my school stuff and all the certs. I know I gotta get into shape now. It's going pretty smoothly I'd say. Like for example no food after 7, drinking SOD tea after every meal or anytime I'm thirsty and also cutting the proportions of food intake.

I did some aerobic exercises, hip hop abs (really easy) and simple pilate. My weight did drop a little. But it's still not enough. I can't go for graduation day looking like the way I am now. It's not embarassing. More like, there's no change in me. Like I look the same all the time. Forget it.

I'm taking mom for a check-up tomorrow. I'm hoping that she'll not bring me to some place and pig out. Because that's not my plan for tomorrow. I'm not sure if it's gonna rain. But if it does, then it's gonna be aerobic. I'll go for a run instead if it doesn't rain. Gosh.

AIN'T A LESBIAN

2008-04-17T19:50:00.005+08:00

Chatted with a fellow school mate the other day. I'm not a lesbian. Being single & independent for 18 years doesn't make me a lesbian. He was so sure that I'm a lesbian just because I'm currently not attached to anybody. Crap.

Bumped into a fellow school mate earlier today. Mom said he looks like a girl. Serious shit. No big deal actually. We lived in the same block. He snickers at me all the time. But not when I'm with my mom. Ho ho ho.

My peers are in poly now. Most of them are in their 1st year & 3rd year. Thinking about these things making me feel like a complete loser. For real's ya'll. Maybe it's just not my rezeki. Hmmm?

WHININGS

2008-04-16T23:41:00.003+08:00

Obviously there's nothing interesting about my life. Not recently. Norrina seems like a little sister to me rather than a niece. I love each & every part of her. But people always mistook her as my daughter whenever we're outside. For real's ya'll.

I don't think I have a bright future ahead. Unless I get married to a fucking rich & sincere man. Slim chance, fat hope ya? I can't waste 2 more years just to be part of SCDF. No way. & I don't even have a freaking diploma. My O's are a total shit. I haven't got a job yet. I'm still in the process of getting a hot bod. Spell L-O-S-E-R ya?

Whining & whining. Frankly, I feel like strangling this cousin of mine. He just can't get enough of teasing me everytime he sees me. You're gonna eat your heart out soon.

Mak kater kene jage diri baik2. Kalau tak nanti bangla amik ko. Pastu sembunyi bawak bodek. Kwang3! Hiak3!!

MOOD SWINGS FOR TODAY

2008-04-09T19:40:00.003+08:00

I've got no mood to blog. There's absolutely nothing to blog about. I'll end up whining about how bad my life is, my weight, how I failed in academic etc etc. I'm gonna close this blog temporarily. I really have nothing to say about my life. So adios!

2008-04-06T01:04:00.002+08:00

I am such a fool. I fall for it everytime. I depend on it so much that I was foolish enough to believe it. At first, I didn't expect anything from it because I was sincere about it & will always be. I thought by sacrificing, I will gain love from it. Little did I expected, I was being used. I feel so wasted. Thrown aside when I'm not needed. I'm just a tool. I don't mean anything to it. I put in so much trust into it. I gave my everything to it. I'm to blame when everything goes wrong. I was not allowed to speak my mind. I can't cry when I'm hurt. I had to comfort when I'm the one who needs it. I had to admit mistakes which I didn't do. I had to swallow my pride for it. I can't fight for my rights.

I am always a fool. A fool for friendship.

2008-04-05T22:23:00.002+08:00

I'm gonna give myself another chance. I thought of applying for Poly again, October intake. If God forbids me from going to Poly, then I just have to accept my fate. Meanwhile I'm gonna find a job, full-time. But, only after I finally succeed my first goal, weight loss. Recently I've been eating alot. It's true. Now I know why I'm fat. I binge whenever I feel down. That's just me.

Ah, if I don't get through Poly, I'm gonna settle for Prison Officer or SCDF. Mom is giving me full support for this. Sometimes I don't get her. At first she didn't care at all, but now she seems so supportive, which is a good thing. Well, I hope everything goes smoothly & that God shall be on my side. Insyaallah.

Speaking of weight loss, I'm gonna make use of April. I'll make sure I change this ugly look of mine. I don't wanna be chubby for the rest of my life. I don't wanna be make fun of all the time. I don't wanna be that ugly sibling anymore. I hate being ugly. =(

2008-04-04T13:19:00.000+08:00

I have no more will. 2 years have gone to waste. Fuck.

2008-04-03T22:22:00.003+08:00

For whole 2 minutes, I stared at the computer screen. It was unexpected. I didn't make it. I cried in the bathroom as I do not want mom to hear me. When I finally broke the news to her, she said, "So what are you going to do now? Fail fail lah". Major ouch! She doesn't even fucking care that I'm suffering from a blow here. Hello? The whole family doesn't give a shit. Those dumbfucks. I was taken aback by the results. I slept till the evening. Just wanting to forget about what I just saw. I didn't have the desire to eat or do anything at all.

& yes I didn't have my shower for the whole day. Major stench! So I woke up, trying to put everything into places. I'm thinking of getting a job. Definitely not an accountant. I don't wanna stress myself up till I go bald & start mutilating myself. Big no no! I don't know what I wanna do now. I'm such a failure.

2008-04-02T09:37:00.003+08:00

Woke up at 9 today. Immediately log on to my portal &....
YES AH!! I DID IT! I'M AWARDED HIGHER NATIONAL ITE CERTIFICATE IN ACCOUNTING. WOOTS!!
But I don't know if I make it to poly or not.
Results on friday. =x

2008-04-01T15:59:00.002+08:00

I'm gonna get(?) a new niece/nephew soon. No family planning at all. Like I said, THEY ONLY KNOW THE PLEASURE OF HAVING SEX BUT DOESN'T TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR IT. IN OTHER WORDS, THEY DO NOT KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF THEIR OWN FUCKING CHILDREN. So as I was saying, I'm completely frustrated over this. It's just fucking crazy. They don't even have stable jobs. Their house is in a mess. & they have the nerve to have sex. Think about the consequences will you? Gosh. Both of them are dumbfucks. Really.

Because of Norrina, I couldn't sleep. I get frustrated easily. I can't study at home. Even though my results were okay, I could do better. Thankfully, I'm done with ITE. Gosh. Total chaos at home. With mom whining about her illness & crying like a mad woman. I could go crazy at that point of time. I could have gone back to my addiction of mutilating myself. Dumbfucks!

Tomorrow's the ultimate day. Major day for me. Results will be out from ITE & Poly. This is it. I haven't bought my "school uniforms" because I have no confidence in myself that I will be able to make it to Poly. Shit-ness in me.

Mom is obsessed with money. I can tell right from the beginning.

2008-03-31T23:23:00.002+08:00

Updates? Been chatting with alot of hot strangers on alamak & msn. Results will be out real soon. It should be on Wednesday. I'm really nervous every time I think about this. Will I get what I wanted? I don't know. Only God knows.

Went out with my relatives on Saturday. I can't bear to see mom in pain. So we finally bought her medication. It costs about $103 altogether. My 700 over bucks gone just like that. After helping my sister out, mom's medication & grandfather's pocket money, I'm left with nothing. I can never buy Bape hoodies & Banc hoodies let alone 10deep hoodies. Just shoot me!

Temasek Polytechnic~~ Argh!

2008-03-27T22:34:00.002+08:00

Weight check *7kg. Yes, I lost 1kg. No big deal right? Well I didn't ate much today. I kept drinking bitter tea (laxative). I hope I lose another kg tomorrow. Losing weight is hard. Especially when you have to erase all those cravings in your head. I craved alot today. So I kept drinking water whenever I crave for something. It is hell for me. But I'm enduring it. I really wanna do this.

I'm frustrated with everybody calling me fat all the time. I get depressed because of them. I've been cleaning up my previous emails. (wanice343, dobygirrl, applejuic3-) But I just can't log in with shiroi_yuki89. I bumped into fellow KR mates. (on msn) & some pretty hot strangers. Not really strangers. It's been years since I logged in using my other emails. So I've forgotten whom I chatted with.

Well I'm off to bed now =)

2008-03-26T22:33:00.002+08:00

Gosh. Time flies really quick. April's coming soon. That means, results from Poly. Gosh. I'm still so frustrated over my weight. No I do not look like a rice sack. I got a big ass & thighs. Norrina's back! She's been staying with her mom ever since. I missed her. She's so adorable. =) I realise something now. I'm still fat! Heh! Standing 164cm, weighing *8 kg. When will I ever be 54? It's the ideal weight! Gosh.

Been blog hopping, friendster hopping & myspace hopping. Realise how ugly my previous classmates are while others are sooo sooo beautiful. I know I'm being shallow. But I'm envy those who are soo sooo beautiful. If there was any reunion for anything like pri sch mates or sec sch mates, I want it to be perfect. I do not want to appear looking like this. I look like a monster ya know?

I realise that ITE mates are more awesome than pri or sec. I love my class. Even though I'm not that close to them, at least they don't backstab me or did any stupid things to me. Unlike pri or sec where all the bitchy stuff happen. I was so kental (nerdy). Can't believe I'm friends with them in pri & sec sch. Gosh. I don't have any pleasant memories in pri sch.

I only cherish moments with beloved Debz during sec sch & of course So Nyuh Shin Ki from CE. Damn. I'm going crazy by just waiting for news from Poly. I wonder. There's so many 4 pointers out there. Gosh. Will I get cut? Or... DAMMNNNNNNNNNNNNN.

2008-03-25T11:55:00.003+08:00

Nothing to blog about.
My thighs & calves hurt.
Please don't rain.
I wanna go jogging.

I'm still fat. =x

2008-03-23T12:01:00.002+08:00

My eyes were wide awake around 9 plus in the morning. Thanks to efa (yes that Anugerah Skrin efa). She woke me up while trying to wake my sister up. I had breakfast which consists of coffee & tuna sandwich. & no I haven't shower yet. The weather's great. Hope it stays this way. Nowadays I've been missing my routine thanks to the rain. That's why I haven't lost any weight. I had diarrhoea yesterday as a result of drinking 2 bottles of vitagen. What's exactly in there? Probiotics? More like laxative. My poo was green in color. Major ew. EEWW!

Weight has always been a problem to me. Everyone around me keeps criticising about my weight. Yes. Family, friends & relatives. Seriously these people should give me a break. It's no fun at all. Making fun of people's self-esteem is no fun. *I feel like dying okay* I get depressed whenever they talk about my weight. Come on! I love to eat. & it's not like I'm overweight or anything. I just have a little more meat than anybody else. STOP FUCKING TEASING ME ALREADY. Those dumbfucks deserve some slashing on their faces.

Half the content of my Ben & Jerry's gone. Apparently a fucking rat ate it. *I meant my dad* Recently I'm stuck with Craig David's. Recently an old classmate's turning into a BIG TIME SLUT. All the best :)

2008-03-22T12:46:00.005+08:00

Chevrolet woo! I love her car. It's spacious & comfy. Ehem, free rides ya'll. She wanted to eat Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie. I was skeptical about eating it with her. I meant the ingredients & the origin of the ice cream. *inside stories* I settle for mini cornetto instead. Heh. Now I'm left with 501.36 bucks. Shoot me.

I'm angry with my brother & his wife. THEY ONLY KNOW THE PLEASURE OF HAVING SEX BUT DOESN'T TAKE ANY RESPONSIBILITY FOR IT. An example of it will be my poor lil niece, norrina aka lamb chop. She's the result of a shotgun marriage.

Gosh these people should wake up! I'm tired of babysitting norrina. I'm not her mother. I gave up my freedom just to help mom around. She doesn't even appreciate what I do for her. All she says is that I'm lazy & stuff. It's fucking irritating. I'm turning 19 this October. I've only got 1 year left. Goodbye teenage years! Woo!

& what's up with everybody these days? I meant girls & their burning passion for fame. That's so bimbotic. Unfortunately, my sister is one of them. Get real. You girls are nothing without the wonders of makeup. I feel like a bitch now. I'll stop here. =)

2008-03-19T21:32:00.004+08:00

I'm sick & tired of everything recently. KL trip was no fun at all. Had mozzie bites all over my legs. Almost got in contact with the biggest house lizard ever. Suffered from beri-beri after eating kuay teow kerang. But I miss that wedding in Kajang. It was awesome. Overall it wasn't an enjoyable trip for me. Landed on my comfy bed the moment I reached home.

Bro went fishing & he caught 6 crabs. He gave it to dad. But dad was careless enough to lose 3 of them in the house. He found only two. I found one in my room. I was sleeping so soundly. But my sis had to wake me up. She had a surprise for me. I really thought she bought home pizza & drumlets. But to my surprise, IT'S A VIDEO FROM HYRUL ANUAR. Even though it's 22 seconds, but he was sending a message to me. He knows my name too. & yes I hope to see you soon H.A =)

Spent the whole day yesterday cleaning up the computer area. Replacing the multiple sockets. Wish I could replace the whole thing with a Vaio Notebook. I miss College East truckloads. I miss So Nyuh Shin Ki & most of all chip2! We'll meet someday. I'm sure of it. Cause I miss crapping & pigging out with you.

It's been raining heavily these days. I can't go for my run. Gosh. I really wanna burn all these fats. Now that finals are over, I can focus all my energy to losing weight. I need to fill up empty spaces in my wardrobe soon. *sad*

These days, my sister has been treating me nicely. She hasn't use any vulgar except BITCH which we always use. I hope she stays this way. I love it this way. She's gonna get her car tomorrow. I wanna ride her chevrolet! ^^

2008-03-18T21:56:00.002+08:00

Crying desperately.
Running away from everything.

She stopped by a bench,
under an old tree.

A long deep breath.
She sat there all alone.

Blaming herself for all mishaps.
Hating herself for being too patient.

2008-03-17T21:35:00.002+08:00

Slowly, it opens up.
An angel's touch can't stop it.

It was too deep.
Too deep to be healed.

The last drop of opportunity.
The last taste of forgiveness.

It has begun.
Enraged like hell fire.

No one shall be spared.
History has repeated itself.

2008-03-08T16:15:00.006+08:00

I've been trying to take all criticisms positively. Even though it's hard, I swallowed every bit of it & "heck it". I ain't gonna blog for the time being. I've got alot of things to settle. But this isn't the end. I'll be back with a surprise. A pleasant one. Here's a pic of me in mid February 2008.

I only got one thing to say before I go. I'm gonna miss College East! To chip chip/hyung/small girl/small teacher/bird, our journey doesn't end here. It's only the beginning. I'll see you on Mon & Wed but will definitely see you more often in Tp. Insyaallah.

2008-03-03T23:27:00.002+08:00

A freak, the size of a polar bear kept staring at me in the morning on the MRT. A guy unintentionally rubbed his ding dong against my arm on the bus. I was sandwiched by two amazingly fat ladies who thought their booties were cute. Some JC kid made my shoulder numb from Tampiness to Tiong Bahru MRT Station. I'm lucky enough he didn't wet my shoulder. If he did, I'd already kick his white ass. A woman woke me up just to let her husband take my seat. WADDAFARK!!

I met so many incredibly weird people on the MRT everyday. Sometimes I feel like yelling at them. At times I feel like playing a prank on them. Most of the times I feel like beating them up. Whenever I wore pants to school, I seldom get seats on the MRT. Whenever I wore skirt to school, I get freaks & perverts sit next to me. Like WADDAFARK!

"& I'll be living in the rainbow. Colors everywhere. Colors all around me. So many animals set them free. Five senses say them with me. Feelings go up, feelings go down. O P P O S I T E. It's a party! Where? At our house. Grow, grow, grow stretch up tall. Imagine this, imagine you're a star. Singing on the stage. La La La."

Apparently I've become a fan of Hi-5. & it's all because of you. (norrina my niece)

2008-03-02T10:53:00.002+08:00

Just thinking about my results drives me crazy. I have mixed feelings about this. My GPA ain't too bad. But I'm afraid the cut off points will increase. There are so many 4 pointers in my school. I get nervous whenever I think about it. Just wish I could turn back time & scored Tpd. Blame me & my stupidity. *Sigh*

I get irritated by Poly students nowadays. Everything about them is annoying to me. The way they dress, speak & blog. Somehow it got into me so much that I feel like not entering Poly. WADDAFARK?! Yeah.

Friends come & go. I'm a fool. I shouldn't have placed high hopes on friendships. I did all I could for friends whom I cherished. Little did I expect, I was chucked one side after they've found "cool" ones. They didn't understand me at all. I was left alone to defend myself when I was being bullied. I blame myself for my foolishness.

2008-02-29T21:17:00.003+08:00

EXHAUSTED!
Mentally & physically. But more of mentally of course. Slept throughout Auditing lesson. Damn shiok! Next week is study week. Am not coming to school except on Monday. Bird & I plan to eat lunch together. After lunch we shall head for Food & Culture room for movie. WADDAFARK!

2008-02-28T01:05:00.002+08:00

Was practically shaking for cdp presentation earlier on. Switched off during Accounting lecture, topic: GST. Skipped Auditing. Went for 2 hours break. Ate with Bird, Trilogy & Mat. Played old maid, happy family, "SNAP!" & "Heart Attack" under the void deck.

We were like those primary school kids playing Pokemon cards. Waddafark right?! Late for class at 2pm. Screw 31 & the whole of SBS! Played a couple of word pattern games on the way home. Couldn't guess the first one. Cause I'm dumb alright!

Walked around at EP. I bought knickers! Black in color with love prints on it. Waddafark? Saw mom on the way home. She bought cempedak! Damn shiok! My sis bought Samsung Ultra Edition SGH-U600 black. WADDAFARK!! She bought chevrolet & now the cellphone I've wanted. She such a bitch. She wouldn't even let me touch it. Not even the box.

Watched Step Up 2. It's boring. I thought of catching it in the theatres. Saved alot of money by watching pirated DVDS. Think I'm gonna watch Thai-horror, The House later. With my mom. In my room of course. I love SoNyuhShinKi=Bird, Trilogy, Mat & me!

2008-02-26T19:41:00.002+08:00

Following post will be in Malay:

Mmg dari dulu mak suke sangat ketepikan ako dgn kakak. Ako tau dulu abg takde "happy childhood" sebab si Jamil nie, bapak ako lah tu. Ako tau abg tak pernah rase kasih sayang dari seorang ayah. Mak suke nah "defend" dier. Ako bingit. Sebab oleh kerane dier terlalu syg sangat dier abg ako nie, abg ako besar kepale. Sampaikan lahirlah anak luar nikah. Biler ako fikirkan, abg tak salah. Sebab si bapak ako nie tak pernah didik dier dgn baik. Selalu kene marah & pukul. Ko "imagine", abg ako sebaye dgn "lamb chop", "almost two years old" kene "lock" dekat storeroom yg banyak setan tu. Dulu rumah ako mcm sakai, banyak hantu & setan2. Mak kalau sikit nyer pasal nak tunjuk perasaan dgn ako. Kadang2 kan ako mcm nak jadi pelacur lah. Ako dandan diri ako, pastu gi carik "mummy" pastu bilang dier ako nak keje abis cite. Mak bapak ako nie mmg tak tau nak "appreciate". Ako bukan slalu kluar malam, ako tak campur dgn bdk2 mepekz, ako "try" blajar sungguh2 sebab ako nak naikkan namer keluarge ako & "fo myself too". Biler ako ingat balik, ako sepatutnyer terjun dari building skola ako tu. Sebab tat time ako sad so ako gi tingkat 6 duduk kat "parapet" pastu ako rase nak jump off the building ah. SAKIT hati ako. Lebih sakit hati ako dari all the mutiple slash i had on my wrists. Ako rase mcm ako nie bukan anak dorang. Dgn anak org lain bleh bobal step mane nyer lembut. Dgn ako suke nah tinggi kan suare. Ako nie binatang ke? Ako tgh sad giler babi nyer. Sebab ako dah buat segale-galenye untok dorang. Bukan ako mintak upah. Tapi ckp thank you atau treat me nicely dah okay PEr! Ako tau, dorang nie malu pasal ako bdk ITE! Ako tau ako tak keje skarang. Takde duit. Tapi tak bermaksud ako malas. Ako masih gi skola. Ako try. Kadang2 ako tak leh bangun. Tapi ako try my best. Ako belajar jugak. Sampaikan skarang nak graduate dah. Itu pon dorang tak nak tengok betape hardworking ako nie. Ako mcm socai/kuli/maid kat rumah nie. Sejak Norrina lahir, mak ako slalu suruh ako jage dier. Walaupon ako ade skola early in the morning atau ade banyak homework. Nanti dier buat alasan yg dier nak buat keje rumah. PADAHAL tak masak. Ako KEBULOR SIOL! MAUT NYER KEBULOR. Babi sey. Biler ako sembahyang, dorang buat muke. Mcm ako nie action je nak sembahyang. Kan babi tuh! Abeh tadi nak tunjuk perasaan pasal ako ckp ako tak nak jage Norrina. Ako dgn Norrina tak ngam. Dier nie suke nak stick kat mak ako. Ako pon bingit nak jage dier. Sedih ah. Abg ako skarang nak act maner nyer besar. MENTANG2 dah rich. Bleh belah lah! Sape mandikan ko biler ko accident dulu?!! SAPE TEMANKAN KO GI INJECTION PANTAT KO DULU! Sape teman ko tido biler ko takot si PONTI2 TU?! SAPE yg kasi ko duit biler ko haus main BOLA! Sume mmg tak mengenang jase! ABG KAKAK MAK BAPAK SUME SAMER LAH! Ako rase kan, kalau ako mati sekarang nie, dorang pon tak nak kebumikan ako lah siol! Kalau ako tau jadi mcm gini, ako tak makan obat tu sumer & ako potong dlm2 nyer wrists ako nie. BABI SIAL!!!!!!!

2008-02-26T16:25:00.002+08:00

I'm going bald soon from doing all the revision papers. But then again, shall give my all for finals. Tp..tp..tp! Skipped school today. There's practically nothing in school. I took all the revision papers needed. Looks like I officially started my study week beforehand. Enduring 2 more weeks of school is such a torture. I want to be free! Now!

So mom took advantage of me today. Did a couple of household chores & taking care of lamb chop. I feel like killing her sometimes. I'm suppose to be doing revision right now. Instead, I'm blogging, downloading songs (LEGALLY), sipping tea & chatting online. Someone told me not to enter Polytechnic because it's a waste of time. & that I wouldn't do well. What the fuck! I've waited long enough for this. I want a diploma in Tourism & Hospitality so bad that I'll jump off a building to prove it. I was told that choosing clothes to wear to school is a problem for most Polytechnic students.

I think he has nothing better to do. Dampened my spirits. What a bastard! & I'm sad thinking that me & Debz ain't close anymore. She's always busy with everything. *SIGH*

2008-02-25T17:59:00.002+08:00

Freaking tagboard. It's either the webby's fault or mine. Will settle for a new one soon. School's alright. Ate KFC with Birdie today. It's finger lickin' good. I'm sick of mom. She's treating me like shit time & time again. It is as though I have no say in anything. She always make the decision for me. She has the final say to everything. I always do stuff for everybody thinking that it's for their own good. & that they'll at least appreciate me with a "thank you". But I was stepped on instead. They trampled me all over.

I feel like a filipino maid. Sometimes I really wonder if I am part of the family. I get frustrated each time I think about this. It's raining heavily. I can't go for my run today. It's cold. I'm gonna have a nice peaceful sleep tonight. Woo! Since I can't run, I shall dance to my favourite tunes. Everyone around me is making me jealous these days. With new cellphones & Birdie's BB pouch, think I'm going bonkers. Fuck. Now I have the urge to get a job. I'm suppose to be studying for finals.

Sialan betol. Baru nak steady belajar untuk exam. Dah macam2 kat otak aku nie.

2008-02-24T16:25:00.002+08:00

Weather's like shit. As usual, slacked at home. Did some revision & Friday's homework. I gotta endure 2 more weeks of school. I'm dying to have my deserve break. Resort was cancelled. Due to fact that I'm having exams on Monday. I'm still wondering who's "Legend". That person tagged my blog a few months back. I wonder if that person still reads my blog. It makes me wonder what the whole rumor was all about. I did have some bad memories back in KR & CP. Mostly teachers were involved. When I think about it, I was such a dumbie.

I can't wait for 13 March to come. It's my biggest day. It's not my birthday. But it's a big deal to me. & I'm super nervous thinking about my results. I really want to get into Polytechnic. I've waited long enough. I'm way behind my peers. Dayummmm!

First Annual Peace Concert in LA. No chance for me to go. There's so many artist coming down. I really hope Big Bang's not in the list. I wanna be rich too! I want to meet Big Bang too! I want to attend Annual Hollywood Bowl. It's not fair. I'm so poor. =(

2008-02-23T10:39:00.003+08:00

Woke up to find two msn messages from hotties. Huaa Huaa Huaa. & no I haven't shower yet. I lost my cool yesterday. Kept yelling at lamb chop. I'm starting to love this skin. Don't think I'll change it. Anyways I'm thinking of getting LG or Samsung (cellphone), Vaio (notebook), Olympus (digicam). But it'll take some time for me to save a big amount of cash. Right now, I'm saving to revamp my wardrobe for next semester. Well, I hope I can get in. I'm sure I will. My results ain't too bad.

2008-02-22T13:26:00.002+08:00

This blogskin is a little weird. I will revamp it when I have the time. It is exactly 17 days to my finals. I haven't done any serious revision. Skipped school. Found out there's a whole lot to do for Auditing. I'm thinking of working part-time while I wait for a reply from Polytechnic. Lamb chop's such a burden. Babysitting is a chore for me. Especially when I had to clean her up. It gets nasty when she sits on her poo.

Someone invited me to a club. Hello? Do I look like a clubber? Had a tiff with mom yesterday. She's such a bitch sometimes. I've done alot for her. Why couldn't she do some favours for me too? I started drinking this awfully bitter tea. I'm sheding a kilo everyday. I'm sure I'll reach my goal at the end of first week of March. Shoo fats shoo. =)

2008-02-21T11:19:00.002+08:00

It's always been like this.
Being compared to my other siblings.
They're not doing well either.

One's a bitch the other two's an asshole.
I'm trying to make it to Polytechnic.
But it seems like I never exist in the family.
Like what the fuck?

I just feel so hurt.
Mom only cares about money.
She wasn't like this when I was in Starbucks.
Ever since I quitted, she ignores me most of the time.

So what if I'm not making money now?
I'm still 18 & studying.
Sometimes I feel like being a hooker.
Then I'll get more cash fast.
FAST.

Eventually I'll get STD.
& probably die.
That's the only option for me.
If my patience level go down.

I hate families.
I hate mine.

2008-02-20T21:49:00.002+08:00

Yes!
Finally, I've forgotten all of previous topics.
& exams coming very soon.
Sound's great?

But with Birdie's & Cicak's help,
I can do it!
Cause I'm a genius. =)

2008-02-19T23:36:00.002+08:00

It's always a torture for me.
Whenever I feel like eating less.
There'll be pizza, bbq drumlets, donuts etc.
& other goodies.

BAM!
Had a feast on Sunday.
But I didn't waste any food.
Even though I was suppose to be eating less.

Monday blues.
Ran 3 rounds around the stadium.
2 questions on Hire Purchase.
1 question on Bank Reconciliation.
2 questions on Hire Purchase - Seller's Books.

Wanted to go for 2.4km
But I slept till 6pm.
Well at least I ran in the morning.
Hahs!

Today I was late for accounting.
But manage to finish the question. woo
Did 2 questions on Bank Reconciliation.
Accompanied birdie for an interview.

So birdie & I are okay now.
I felt really bad for not talking to her.
It's not entirely her fault.
I was selfish to think about only myself.

Birdie, ChipChip, Hyung, Small Bang.
If you're reading this.
Me love you alot.

We'd be bestest k-buds ever!
(>o<)

2008-02-16T18:32:00.002+08:00

Latest addiction, oreo donut from munchy's.
Superb combination of crushed cookies & fluffy bread.
Absolutely yummylicious.

I want some!

2008-02-15T23:04:00.003+08:00

Breakfast
2 slices of bread
2 half boiled eggs

Lunch
Fishball noodles

Drank plenty of water too.
Went to the loo quite often.
Today's end of red dot.
I meant my period.

Submitted ITE Edusave Bursary.
Met mom & lamb chop.
Walk around.
Bought donuts from munchy's.

Served by lydia. =)
Walked home.
Slacked at bro's crib.
Looked after lamb chop.

That's all I did.
Ijan's coming home tomorrow.
Her sentence will be over very soon.

& I wanna go for the resort thing.
But exam's on Monday.
Fuck.

2008-02-14T15:01:00.004+08:00

Spent the whole morning checking out courses for Polytechnic.
Then finally applied for the courses I wanted. =) woo
Right now, I'm figuring out on how much I should spent.
I really hope I get into tp...tp...tp

If I don't then I shall wait for next year.
Then I'll find a job whilst waiting.
I'll probably have enough by then.
Hehs.

I'm happy but not that happy.
Get it?

2008-02-13T20:31:00.002+08:00

Exams on 10 Mar & 12 Mar.
How come I don't feel any sense of urgency?
Hao lian liao. =P
Haven't done any serious revision.

14/02 is not the day I go dating.
It's the day I apply for Polytechnic.
Tp...tp...tp

Was sleepy today.
Didn't feel like going to school.
But I made it.

Lamb chop's a bitch.
She didn't let me touch her.
But I slapped her anyway.
Hehs. =)

2008-02-12T19:50:00.000+08:00

Super sleepy today.
Dragged my fat ass to school.
Did one question on Hire Purchase.
Two questions on Aging Analysis.
That's all.

Looking forward to 14/02.
I hope I get it.
Tp...tp...tp.
=)

2008-02-11T22:58:00.000+08:00

Sis bought Chevrolet, Avio #@$?
Can't remember the model.
Free rides. =)

I love free stuff.
My stamina dropped!
From 14:15 to 15:53 mins for 2.4km
Heh. Retook standing broad jump.

School's okay.
Nothing new.
We didn't talk that much.
Usually, she would go "Eh Kuss, Ko tau! Hari tu Ako..."

It's always that same sentence.
Then she will go on talking & talking.
But it wasn't like that today.
It was so awkward.

Ate too much.
Having my period now.
That explains why I've been farting alot.
But I tahan in school.
Huaahaha.

Reached home & let go.
Buay tahan liao.
My bathroom stinks now.
& my bedroom too.

Super pungent.
Huaahaha.

2008-02-10T00:45:00.000+08:00

Had about enough.
This whole friendship thing sank deep.
Though I admit I had alot of fun.
But it's just too much.

Now that she's making me,
look like I'm the villain,
I might as well end this whole thing.

No point holding on to something,
when you know it's not gonna work out.
Humans are naturally selfish.
It's up to the individual to change it.

She's kind of selfish when it comes to knowledge.
Super arrogant whenever she does well.
I am jealous.

To put it in simple words,
I'm a sore loser.
A loser that can never make it.
A pathetic sadist.

Now that my closet is all clean,
I'm able to focus on other things.
Really hope I make it to poly this year.
Else I gotta wait till next year.

2008-02-08T12:17:00.001+08:00

Packed all her stuff.
Stuff she gave me.

Having friends of the same race,
always leave me with bad situations.

Really hope this doesn't happen in poly.
I am feeling so helpless.

I'm such a bad friend.
Right?

2008-02-07T22:59:00.000+08:00

Dang.
& so I just read.
Her post on Wednesday.

& it seems like,
I'm the villain here.
Sounds great!

It's like the last piece,
of a triple fudge brownie.
Oh so good.

Fuck.
Now I'm thinking about food.
Holidays were horrendous.

It's just starting,
& I'm not enjoying it at all.
Thanks to bro.

Nice tent you got there.
Guess who's back?
FUCKING MIGRAINE.
Woo! =)

I'm dying to go,
for brain juicing.
End of holidays, puh-lease.
Let's just finish everything,
& take the damn paper!

Finally 2 years of ITE.
It's gonna end soon.
Muahahahaha!

2008-02-05T22:25:00.000+08:00

I'm mood- less today.
Should I say numb?

I saw an old friend.
Didn't know she works at munchy.
That friend is, Lydia.

Mom couldn't recognise her.
Mom said she looked prettier.
To me, she's always been pretty.

I'm frustrated with school work.
It seems like I'm not gonna do well.
In finals that is.

I'm frustrated over some stuff too.
I don't get Haseena sometimes.
She has everything.

Good family.
Average income.
Very religious.
But why the fucking attitude?

I don't get Matus sometimes.
Why does she like to punch me?
Am I a punching bag?
She loves to yell at me.
Gives me unwilling responds to whatever I say.

I guess she's a weirdo.
Just like her friends.
Minah's & lesbos.
I'm not surprise if she turns into one.
Haha.

I don't get Hyung sometimes too.
Why yell at me for nothing?
Did I steal your bf or something?

I don't get myself too.
I get hurt easily & I heal easily.

Whatever it is.
Something is wrong.

Heck it.
I'm gonna graduate soon.
Fuck who cares about the present.

I'm gonna leave this life.
& live a new life soon.

2008-02-03T21:35:00.000+08:00

It didn't bother me at first.
But it's getting on my nerves now.
What did I do to deserve all this?

Yeah I know you're smart & all that.
But that doesn't mean you have the rights to yell at me.
It's not like I slack alot.
I do help around.
I don't sit there like a statue.

& yet you yelled at me.
I respect my friends.
But I don't get any.
If teasing hurt your feelings.

Then I'll stop talking.
I don't punch my friends around for the stupidest jokes.
I know I like to tease around but punching doesn't deal with teasing at all.
I feel so stupid right now.
I feel so disrespected.

Not that I'm asking for it.
I just don't get this.
Why? Am I like a doll or something?
Piece of bull poop?
I just feel so stupid right now.

Very stupid.
If I had a chance to turn back time,
I wouldn't wanna be friends with you people.
I don't want to have these memories stucked inside my head.

Fine.
I'll stop talking.
I'll stop all my nonsense.
I'll ask teachers for help instead.
I won't bother you guys anymore.

I'm a loser.
A big one that is.
A big FUCKING LOSER.
I'll stop teasing & making stupid lame jokes for you guys.
I'll keep quiet.
I'll act dumb like a statue.
I won't ask anything.

2008-01-31T14:05:00.000+08:00

Feel super lazy today.
Free from sb-hv's clutches now.
Will look forward to tomorrow.
Who care's about yesterday.

Irritated & frustrated.
Exhausted & confused.
Famish but full.

2008-01-29T23:30:00.000+08:00

Apparently I was too lazy.
Nasi lemak plan was cancelled.
But still went to school with hyung.

Went to sb-hv after school.
Had a convo with bur.
A very long convo.
But I was so keen on quiting.

Nevermind about sb-hv.
I'm never gonna patronise that place.
Or any other stores.

Gotta pass resignation letter to bur tomorrow.
& I don't really feel like going back again.
Had dinner at Jurong Point with my momma.
& lamb chop.

Now everybody's gone.
It's me & old man at home.
I'm sleeping with the lights on.

Heck it.
I'm moving on.
Who cares what other people think?
Shitheads & bastards.
Ya'll shall get your retribution one day.

Not from me.
But from Him.
Ya'll shall pay for this shit.
Damn.

2008-01-28T23:02:00.000+08:00

I've decided to quit.
Not only did I neglected my studies.
I missed hanging out with hyung too!
& talk nonsense with mat & trilogy.

Went to school for a freaking test.
Had lunch with the rest.
Unfortunately mat didn't eat.
I think there's something she's eyeing for.
Maybe laptop or....

Reached home & found my things lying around.
I know it's lamb chop's fault.
Always messing with my stuff.

Been thinking about how I can make money.
Maybe I should focus everything on studies right now.
Since it's final term so why not give my all.
Think I'll go job hunting after I'm done with finals.

Good decision?
I think so.

2008-01-27T23:14:00.000+08:00

This is the last time.
That I'm ever gonna eat junk food.
Me wants to shed 3kgs each week.
I don't know if I can achieve it.
But I'm gonna try.
I seriously hate SB-HV.
Starbucks Holland Village.
The workplace suck.
The people suck.
Including the managers.
Everything suck.
In conclusion,
I'm sick & tired of working as a barista.

2008-01-20T00:20:00.000+08:00

I got three choices now.
It's either I get into Poly, SCDF or prison officer.
Sounds cool?
I'm really worried about the cut off points.
How's life so far?
School's school.
Work's work.
My pink aura ain't shining.
Not interested in anyone.
Nothing much to update.
I'm trying to be positive at all times.
I don't think I lose any weight.
That's cause I've been sleeping too much.
Too much sleeping can make you gain weight.

2008-01-17T20:16:00.000+08:00

I am freaking scared.
What if the cut off points for gpa increases?
Why am I so dumb?
Why why why?!

2008-01-16T00:45:00.000+08:00

Exhausted.
Mentally & physically.
The fact that I'm slower than my peers makes me worried.
But I am trying my best to catch up.
I wanna make sure I do my best since it's my last term.
I really hope I can make it to Poly.
Dang. Because of a stupid C.
I hope He fulfills my wish.
I gave my all. It's all up to Him now.
I really don't like this particular person at SB-HV.
He gives me the creeps.
I'm really not interested in guys.
Not that I'm lesbian or anything.
But I'm not interested at all.
I'm there to work & make new friends(if possible).
Maybe I've been single for a long long time.
Who cares.
I'm single & I'm loving it.
I just found a tiny mole near my ribs about 5cm below my right boob.
Haha. I never noticed it whenever I shower until that day.
Was doing some boob massage to prevent boobs cancer. Haha.
&& found it! Super cute. =)
I want to meet Big Bang sooooo bad.
I already missed End Year Concert in Seoul.
Missed Virgin Hitz Awards in Thailand.
Dae Sung Oppa. =(

2008-01-13T19:35:00.000+08:00

Neglected.
Depressed.
Sudden sadness.
Overcoming my emotions is the greatest obstacle.
I just feel like a total loser right now.
I don't feel good today.
Everything's changed ever since I started working.
Sometimes I feel like quiting.
But I can't bear to see mom cry again.
It's gonna end soon.
I wonder what's it gonna be like when they divorce.
I think I'm going crazy.
The fact that I've been having negative thoughts proves that I am.
I've ever felt like stabbing a person & dig his guts out.
I've ever had the urge to chop a person's head.
Astarghfirullah Halaazim.
I've committed alot of sins.
Dang. I feel so lousy today.
I don't wish to connect with partners at SB-HV.
I don't think I have common things with them.
I don't see the need to have conversations.
I don't feel easy at all.
Cliques are forming there.
I'm not the kind who likes to butt in.
I'm nice to people.
But some of them keep giving me fucked up faces.
Hypocrites!
I do not know who to trust.
Everyone's a hypocrite.
I should've just stick to sales line.
It's even better. $6.10 per hr.
I'm 18.
I'd love to work in CD stores.
If I wasn't a muslim, I'd be a hooker.
But the fact that I'm born a muslim.
I'm thankful for that. Syukur Alhamdulilah.
I'm worried whether I can get into Poly.
Because of my previous grades for getting a freaking C.
My GPA got affected. Instead of getting a 3.8, it's 3.625.
I should just kill myself.
Not that I haven't done it before.
I admit I do not have a huge circle of acquaintances.
But that doesn't mean I do not have a life.
I'm too scared to have fun.
Seeing teens, even muslims get drunk, have sex makes me wonder.
I'm not an angel myself.
But at least I don't drink, club & have sex.
Why the fuck am I talking about these things?
My period's just passed 2 days ago.
Not supposed to have pms.

2008-01-10T00:23:00.000+08:00

Updates.
Occupied by school & work.
Shouldn't have gone to West Coast.
Because of that, I hurt my legs.
Couldn't get outta bed.
Missed lessons.
Broke a promise with hyung.
Was suppose to have lunch with her at cafe 2.
I'm such an asshole.
A real BIG asshole.

2008-01-05T12:50:00.000+08:00

Cramps, cramps & cramps.
How I hate having periods.
Gives me pimples & cramps.
I'm working at 3pm - 11pm today.
I haven't shower yet.
I'm having cramps & feel like shitting too.
I received a letter from Seo Young yesterday.
She wrote everything in korean.
Except for some minor parts.
I really don't have the mood to blog.
School's final term gonna start very soon.
Hope there's no S&W so me & hyung can have our breakfast.
*random*
I do not know who are my friends now.
I feel like erasing them all.
I do not know who to trust.

2008-01-03T20:17:00.000+08:00

Blog's a little dead.
No pictures & music.
That's cause I don't own a built-in camera cellphone or digicam
& my fingers ain't cooperating.
Will be getting a new pair of specs in February.
That's when I'm getting my first pay.
Today, I saw old man praying.
Actually lamb chop, mom & I went out for dinner.
When we reached home, we saw him praying in his room.
*MIRACLE* life couldn't get better... nana na na na...
Unfortunately, his attitude is still the same.
Yep. He's still an asshole. A big one.
I'm working tomorrow from 9am - 5pm. Sounds good?
Will be doing closing on Saturday. Sunday's my day off.
Planning to get my school stuff ready.
I hate doing closing. The mop was freaking heavy.
I was literally lifting weights yesterday at 12++am.
I'm lucky enough the toilet's not THAT dirty. Worth it.
Brought home ugly chicken puff, chicken quiche,
holiday beef pie, peachy danish & tuna melts cabiatta.
Swell~! I didn't ate much today.
I had 3 roti telur in small sizes of course, a small bowl of bee hoon soto
& a glass of ice lemon tea. Drank plentiful of water too.
No fruits at all. Cause we don't have it at home
& too poor to buy. ('o,') I'm so bored now.
There's nothing to do.
I'm planning to get myself a khaki hot pants, tank top
& knitted sweater at a budget of 30 bucks.
I'm not sure about this myself.
I know bottoms cost more than tops.
We'll see. Hehz

2008-01-02T15:02:00.000+08:00

Didn't went to work yesterday.
Supposed to do closing. Unfortunately, I had backache.
I got burns & bruises due to work.
If this goes on I'm definitely gonna lose weight.
Yipee!
I have work today. Doing closing again.
This time I have to work with A & Y.
I hate working with Y.

2008-01-01T12:43:00.000+08:00

So shagged right now.
I did closing yesterday.
Will opt for 11pm when sch term starts.
If I do closing all the time, think my studies gonna drop.
Need money so badly.
Since that asshole doesn't have a stable job.
He's always complaining that he's paying for the utilities & stuff.
It's your responsibility! Then why get married & have two kids?
Dumb fucker. I feel so neglected.
I have parents who fucked each other but doesn't know how to take care of their own kids.
Seriously, they shouldn't have fucked. Okay fine. Fuck all they want.
Why didn't they abort me? Maybe give me up for adoption.
Dang. Fuckers.

2007-12-30T22:41:00.000+08:00

B to the I to the G (Bang Bang)
Passed my bar test. Took it today.
Don't wanna talk about work anymore.
I missed school right now. I missed the fun I had with hyung, sutamilah & seenaz_trilogy.
I missed them so so much.
Mom's much better now. She's alot healthier.
I hope she stays this way. Free from stress.
I shouldn't judge a person from their looks. I have to look deeper & find out their personality.
I was wrong about some people I knew & just known.
Never knew it would turn out this way.
Nonetheless, I will try my very best & tawakal, selawat, ingat kepada Allah S.W.T & just do my thing.
KUSS FIGHTING!

2007-12-29T01:11:00.000+08:00

Store meeting wasn't fun at all.
I felt really left out. Especially when Burger told me that some people complained about me delaying my bar test for a longest time.
I really felt lousy about it. Different people have different learning abilities.
I know I'm a freaking slow learner. But I did try my best to get it right.
Those people are fucking selfish okay. I'm not sure if it's only one person or a bunch of people.
You guys suck. You'll get it from Him when you die. Fuckers.
I'm gonna emphasize more on B. Remember B? B talked to me.
Even though it was just some random questions, it was a big deal to me.
He's super nice. He didn't yell at me or use a fucking tone when coaching me.
The only person who send good aura to me is no one. I didn't felt any good aura from any of the partners there.
This sucks. I really feel like giving up.
I HATE SB-HV PARTNERS!

2007-12-27T00:36:00.000+08:00

I just feel like writing an entry.
I know I'm way slow now.
Just listened to a couple of songs by SLEEQ.
I'm talking about Singaporean duo SLEEQ.
Yes those guys who sang Hiccups, Masanya, Pilihlah Aku etc.
I thought to myself about this whole Big Bang & SLEEQ thing.
I mean, I can't even meet Big Bang cause they're far away in S.Korea.
While SLEEQ is my fellow citizen. Hohoho.
Suddenly felt so proud to be a Singaporean.
Haha. SLEEQ hell yeah definitely slick alright.
Obsession. pfft.
GO SLEEQ! screaming like a fan...

2007-12-26T20:52:00.000+08:00

Freaking bar test.
It's not today cause Burger's not there.
So its tomorrow at 11am.
I'm so screwed. Because it's lunch hour.
I know I'm gonna fail but I want to pass.
The verdict is Burger's not gonna let me pass.
I'm very sure about this. Think she'll let me pass for next test instead.
Bah. I don't know. Don't give a damn.
Don't really have the mood.
Feeling a little disorganized today. My thoughts, I mean.
I think I'm wrong about Y. Shouldn't have had negative thoughts about Y.
Y seemed rough & tough but Y's actually trying to help me.
I could be wrong. Humans' personality are difficult to understand.
A was there. Like I said, A is attached to Y.
A was pretty normal, nice person. A didn't talk that much to me.
Remember B, C & D. It's been a long time since I saw all of them.
I'm not sure if they're working tomorrow. This time there's W.
W is friendly, always greet me, helps me alot, gives me advices & super warm.
W is like a mom/dad or big sister/brother. I respect W alot.
For taking the time to coach me. For being patient with a freaking slow learner like me.
Sometimes I hate my sister for being a selfish bastard. But I still love her cause she's the only bitch who understands the situation at home. Both of us felt the same way about mom & bro. But not dad. She loves him.
I fucking hate him. Really.
He can die. Don't give a damn about it.
I met up with my sister before I went to work today.
Passed her cellphone bill. She owes me either $20 or a meal.
But I doubt she'll fulfill it. Unless she's in a good mood or really have the extra ka-ching!
By the way, what's so good about clubbing? Drinks are fucking expensive.
Even if it's coke. Sheesh. Loud thumping music & irritating flicking lights.
Getting sudden grinding from strangers. Scary perverts.
I don't see the need to smoke, drink or club.
Today I saw a disgraceful pair. Tattoed, mini skirts, drugged-looking pair.
No wonder other races are looking down on us, Malays.
MCM MANER ORANG MELAYU NAK MAJU?!

2007-12-25T23:46:00.000+08:00

Supposedly, bar test at 5pm.
Due to some circumstances, can't make it.
Am not mad at her for not picking up the phone.
Cause I gotta know later that she was sick.
Meeting her tomorrow for my book.
More worried if my manager still trusts me.
Luckily, she set another date which is tomorrow.
Freaking bar test.
Guess this is how it goes.
Prefer to have few friends but true.

2007-12-24T20:13:00.000+08:00

Been eating alot these days.
From fastfood promotions to home cooked meals.
Tomorrow's my bar test.
Freaking nervous. Expect the unexpected.
Still not good at pulling shots.
Think I gained some weight.
Will occupy my time with Star King today.
& reading up recipes for tomorrow.

2007-12-23T14:47:00.000+08:00

More things happened.
& I don't give a damn.

2007-12-22T19:35:00.000+08:00

Not called for work.
Do not know when's my bar test.
Missed A, B & D.
Missed school.

2007-12-19T23:04:00.000+08:00

11:04pm

No bar test yesterday. Instead, practice at the bar for 2 hours. D was there. D looked sad when I came in. I greeted D. From then on, D looked okay. D smiled alot. D helped me with scooping of ice. Had a little convo with D. But D has finished his shift. I was finishing soon. D hanged around for awhile. I was hoping for D to wait for me. But he left as soon as I clocked out. I tried to search for D. In the end, a friend called me. She wanted me to wait for her. So that she could finish up her barista learning journey book. So I went back to store. D came in. I thought D went home. But D was there. I felt happy. It wasn't long until D went off. Instead of liking B, it's D. If this goes on, I'll definitely go crazy about D even though I don't want such relations with D.

Random: I want to meet Big Bang!

2007-12-18T23:43:00.001+08:00

11:43pm
The more I think about it. The more I want to experience it myself. I'm not even sure about my own feelings. Don't you know? I like you. I'm starting to fall for you. I hate myself for that because this isn't right. It's not right at all. I don't want to love you. But I want to like you.

2007-12-16T20:27:00.000+08:00

8:27pm
I hate to admit this. But I missed B & D. I hate how this is going. I am working my ass off. I am trying my best to do it right. But he just slogged at home for nothing. I hate the way he treats mom. I remember every word he said about mom. Why did you even marry her in the first place? I pity mom. Sometimes, I really wish I wasn't born at all. So that mom and Bro could run away from this filthy place. I wish mom didn't have me. I wish she never married him. I wouldn't mind not being born at all. I just don't want her to suffer at this age where she should be enjoying a slow pace life. Making a trip to Mecca. I want to fulfill her wish. But I could only do this much. The fact that idiot & his family doesn't gives mom money makes me wanna kill them. What an idiot! She's your mom for Allah's sake. You didn't even care a single thing about us & mom. What is happening to this family? Mom's health improved a little these days. Cause I always remind her to take her medication. I hope everything goes smoothly. Since me and my sis have a job. I hope that this will take some burden off mom. I'll try my very best to scrimp & save every little thing I have. & give some for mom too. I wanna change whatever I have now. I don't want to live like this forever. I have too many sins. I'm regretful. I feel ashamed of myself & to Him.

2007-12-14T22:00:00.000+08:00

10:00pm
I'm sad. I feel like a loser. I feel so crushed. I've never felt this lousy before. It's the same feeling I experience 2 years ago which led me to suicide attempts. Though I vow never to do it again, the feeling of rejection is too much for me to take. I trust myself. I can clearly see that none of you are accepting me. You guys exchange looks behind my back. Making ugly expressions everytime you're assigned to be my learning coach. Why is it so hard to share knowledge with others? I don't freaking understand this. Besides, different people have different learning skills. So much for Starbucks Mission Statement & Values, Star Skills & 5 "Be"s. Screw it. Fuck. I feel so freaking sad. Stop doing this. You people are pushing me to the limits. I don't mind about other things. But not being accepted is just plain cruelty. I feel like quiting but at the same time I don't want to give up just like that. I don't want to surrender yet. But then again, I feel so crushed. Not able to trust anyone at all. STARBUCKS COFFEE COMPANY SUCK BALLS!

2007-12-13T20:50:00.000+08:00

8:50pm
Whenever I think about work, I think about them. Let's protect people's identity. Whenever I see B or talk to B, I feel super nervous. I want to get to know B but at the same time I don't want to. I don't want B to feel that I like B. But then, there's this other C who keep talking to me. I hate the way C talk to me. C is always giving me pressure. I feel so stressed & uncomfortable with C. I want to tell C off but at the same time I don't want to hurt C because we just got to know each other. I don't want to leave a bad impression on C because I'm not a bad person. Then there's this D who sort of flirting with me. I find it disgusting but at the same time I want to be friends with D. D is a nice person. D talks to me often. I keep thinking about D all the time. D gives me butterflies. D always make my imaginations run wild. I hate the way D smile, but I like it. Next, there's A. A is actually attached to Y. A is nice too. When I got to know A is attached to Y, I try my best to avoid A. Because I'm afraid of Y.