There's nothing I could say to you
Nothing I could ever do to make you see
What you mean to me

All the pain, the tears I cried
Still you never said goodbye and now I know
How far you'd go

I know I let you down
But it's not like that now
This time I'll never let you go

I will be, all that you want
And get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart

All my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything okay

I thought that I had everything
I didn't know what life could bring
But now I see, honestly

You're the one thing I got right
The only one I let inside
Now I can breathe, cause you're here with me

19/10/1989
currently a nothing
Westside, Singapore

simple is nothing
nothing is simple

lamb chop is loved
(:

msn
youtube

Updates? Been chatting with alot of hot strangers on alamak & msn. Results will be out real soon. It should be on Wednesday. I'm really nervous every time I think about this. Will I get what I wanted? I don't know. Only God knows.

Went out with my relatives on Saturday. I can't bear to see mom in pain. So we finally bought her medication. It costs about $103 altogether. My 700 over bucks gone just like that. After helping my sister out, mom's medication & grandfather's pocket money, I'm left with nothing. I can never buy Bape hoodies & Banc hoodies let alone 10deep hoodies. Just shoot me!

Temasek Polytechnic~~ Argh!

Weight check *7kg. Yes, I lost 1kg. No big deal right? Well I didn't ate much today. I kept drinking bitter tea (laxative). I hope I lose another kg tomorrow. Losing weight is hard. Especially when you have to erase all those cravings in your head. I craved alot today. So I kept drinking water whenever I crave for something. It is hell for me. But I'm enduring it. I really wanna do this.

I'm frustrated with everybody calling me fat all the time. I get depressed because of them. I've been cleaning up my previous emails. (wanice343, dobygirrl, applejuic3-) But I just can't log in with shiroi_yuki89. I bumped into fellow KR mates. (on msn) & some pretty hot strangers. Not really strangers. It's been years since I logged in using my other emails. So I've forgotten whom I chatted with.



Well I'm off to bed now =)

Gosh. Time flies really quick. April's coming soon. That means, results from Poly. Gosh. I'm still so frustrated over my weight. No I do not look like a rice sack. I got a big ass & thighs. Norrina's back! She's been staying with her mom ever since. I missed her. She's so adorable. =) I realise something now. I'm still fat! Heh! Standing 164cm, weighing *8 kg. When will I ever be 54? It's the ideal weight! Gosh.

Been blog hopping, friendster hopping & myspace hopping. Realise how ugly my previous classmates are while others are sooo sooo beautiful. I know I'm being shallow. But I'm envy those who are soo sooo beautiful. If there was any reunion for anything like pri sch mates or sec sch mates, I want it to be perfect. I do not want to appear looking like this. I look like a monster ya know?

I realise that ITE mates are more awesome than pri or sec. I love my class. Even though I'm not that close to them, at least they don't backstab me or did any stupid things to me. Unlike pri or sec where all the bitchy stuff happen. I was so kental (nerdy). Can't believe I'm friends with them in pri & sec sch. Gosh. I don't have any pleasant memories in pri sch.

I only cherish moments with beloved Debz during sec sch & of course So Nyuh Shin Ki from CE. Damn. I'm going crazy by just waiting for news from Poly. I wonder. There's so many 4 pointers out there. Gosh. Will I get cut? Or... DAMMNNNNNNNNNNNNN.

Nothing to blog about.
My thighs & calves hurt.
Please don't rain.
I wanna go jogging.

I'm still fat. =x

My eyes were wide awake around 9 plus in the morning. Thanks to efa (yes that Anugerah Skrin efa). She woke me up while trying to wake my sister up. I had breakfast which consists of coffee & tuna sandwich. & no I haven't shower yet. The weather's great. Hope it stays this way. Nowadays I've been missing my routine thanks to the rain. That's why I haven't lost any weight. I had diarrhoea yesterday as a result of drinking 2 bottles of vitagen. What's exactly in there? Probiotics? More like laxative. My poo was green in color. Major ew. EEWW!

Weight has always been a problem to me. Everyone around me keeps criticising about my weight. Yes. Family, friends & relatives. Seriously these people should give me a break. It's no fun at all. Making fun of people's self-esteem is no fun. *I feel like dying okay* I get depressed whenever they talk about my weight. Come on! I love to eat. & it's not like I'm overweight or anything. I just have a little more meat than anybody else. STOP FUCKING TEASING ME ALREADY. Those dumbfucks deserve some slashing on their faces.

Half the content of my Ben & Jerry's gone. Apparently a fucking rat ate it. *I meant my dad* Recently I'm stuck with Craig David's. Recently an old classmate's turning into a BIG TIME SLUT. All the best :)

Chevrolet woo! I love her car. It's spacious & comfy. Ehem, free rides ya'll. She wanted to eat Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie. I was skeptical about eating it with her. I meant the ingredients & the origin of the ice cream. *inside stories* I settle for mini cornetto instead. Heh. Now I'm left with 501.36 bucks. Shoot me.

I'm angry with my brother & his wife. THEY ONLY KNOW THE PLEASURE OF HAVING SEX BUT DOESN'T TAKE ANY RESPONSIBILITY FOR IT. An example of it will be my poor lil niece, norrina aka lamb chop. She's the result of a shotgun marriage.

Gosh these people should wake up! I'm tired of babysitting norrina. I'm not her mother. I gave up my freedom just to help mom around. She doesn't even appreciate what I do for her. All she says is that I'm lazy & stuff. It's fucking irritating. I'm turning 19 this October. I've only got 1 year left. Goodbye teenage years! Woo!

& what's up with everybody these days? I meant girls & their burning passion for fame. That's so bimbotic. Unfortunately, my sister is one of them. Get real. You girls are nothing without the wonders of makeup. I feel like a bitch now. I'll stop here. =)

I'm sick & tired of everything recently. KL trip was no fun at all. Had mozzie bites all over my legs. Almost got in contact with the biggest house lizard ever. Suffered from beri-beri after eating kuay teow kerang. But I miss that wedding in Kajang. It was awesome. Overall it wasn't an enjoyable trip for me. Landed on my comfy bed the moment I reached home.

Bro went fishing & he caught 6 crabs. He gave it to dad. But dad was careless enough to lose 3 of them in the house. He found only two. I found one in my room. I was sleeping so soundly. But my sis had to wake me up. She had a surprise for me. I really thought she bought home pizza & drumlets. But to my surprise, IT'S A VIDEO FROM HYRUL ANUAR. Even though it's 22 seconds, but he was sending a message to me. He knows my name too. & yes I hope to see you soon H.A =)

Spent the whole day yesterday cleaning up the computer area. Replacing the multiple sockets. Wish I could replace the whole thing with a Vaio Notebook. I miss College East truckloads. I miss So Nyuh Shin Ki & most of all chip2! We'll meet someday. I'm sure of it. Cause I miss crapping & pigging out with you.

It's been raining heavily these days. I can't go for my run. Gosh. I really wanna burn all these fats. Now that finals are over, I can focus all my energy to losing weight. I need to fill up empty spaces in my wardrobe soon. *sad*

These days, my sister has been treating me nicely. She hasn't use any vulgar except BITCH which we always use. I hope she stays this way. I love it this way. She's gonna get her car tomorrow. I wanna ride her chevrolet! ^^

Crying desperately.
Running away from everything.

She stopped by a bench,
under an old tree.

A long deep breath.
She sat there all alone.

Blaming herself for all mishaps.
Hating herself for being too patient.

Slowly, it opens up.
An angel's touch can't stop it.

It was too deep.
Too deep to be healed.

The last drop of opportunity.
The last taste of forgiveness.

It has begun.
Enraged like hell fire.

No one shall be spared.
History has repeated itself.

I've been trying to take all criticisms positively. Even though it's hard, I swallowed every bit of it & "heck it". I ain't gonna blog for the time being. I've got alot of things to settle. But this isn't the end. I'll be back with a surprise. A pleasant one. Here's a pic of me in mid February 2008.

I only got one thing to say before I go. I'm gonna miss College East! To chip chip/hyung/small girl/small teacher/bird, our journey doesn't end here. It's only the beginning. I'll see you on Mon & Wed but will definitely see you more often in Tp. Insyaallah.

A freak, the size of a polar bear kept staring at me in the morning on the MRT. A guy unintentionally rubbed his ding dong against my arm on the bus. I was sandwiched by two amazingly fat ladies who thought their booties were cute. Some JC kid made my shoulder numb from Tampiness to Tiong Bahru MRT Station. I'm lucky enough he didn't wet my shoulder. If he did, I'd already kick his white ass. A woman woke me up just to let her husband take my seat. WADDAFARK!!

I met so many incredibly weird people on the MRT everyday. Sometimes I feel like yelling at them. At times I feel like playing a prank on them. Most of the times I feel like beating them up. Whenever I wore pants to school, I seldom get seats on the MRT. Whenever I wore skirt to school, I get freaks & perverts sit next to me. Like WADDAFARK!

"& I'll be living in the rainbow. Colors everywhere. Colors all around me. So many animals set them free. Five senses say them with me. Feelings go up, feelings go down. O P P O S I T E. It's a party! Where? At our house. Grow, grow, grow stretch up tall. Imagine this, imagine you're a star. Singing on the stage. La La La."

Apparently I've become a fan of Hi-5. & it's all because of you. (norrina my niece)

Just thinking about my results drives me crazy. I have mixed feelings about this. My GPA ain't too bad. But I'm afraid the cut off points will increase. There are so many 4 pointers in my school. I get nervous whenever I think about it. Just wish I could turn back time & scored Tpd. Blame me & my stupidity. *Sigh*

I get irritated by Poly students nowadays. Everything about them is annoying to me. The way they dress, speak & blog. Somehow it got into me so much that I feel like not entering Poly. WADDAFARK?! Yeah.

Friends come & go. I'm a fool. I shouldn't have placed high hopes on friendships. I did all I could for friends whom I cherished. Little did I expect, I was chucked one side after they've found "cool" ones. They didn't understand me at all. I was left alone to defend myself when I was being bullied. I blame myself for my foolishness.

nadirah
shima
eugene
eqa
farrah
nazirah
shireen
farahizza

debbie
iman

coolsmurf
alex(clazziquai)
wonsik

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Background : I forgot who.
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