There's nothing I could say to you
Nothing I could ever do to make you see
What you mean to me

All the pain, the tears I cried
Still you never said goodbye and now I know
How far you'd go

I know I let you down
But it's not like that now
This time I'll never let you go

I will be, all that you want
And get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart

All my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything okay

I thought that I had everything
I didn't know what life could bring
But now I see, honestly

You're the one thing I got right
The only one I let inside
Now I can breathe, cause you're here with me

19/10/1989
currently a nothing
Westside, Singapore

simple is nothing
nothing is simple

lamb chop is loved
(:

msn
youtube

I ate curry 'o & squid for breakfast. Black pepper chicken rice for lunch. 2 oheya! oat chips for in between snacks. Small serving noodles for dinner. Pretty unhealthy? Should I say lots of carbs? I think the reason why I'm like a balloon is because I eat a little too much carb in my diet & my favourite hobby is sleeping. A kind soul told me to eat 7 small meals daily. That way, I feel full most of the time. She told me to do slow jogging at least 45 mins followed by circuit training daily. Yes. That kind soul is a hottie. She used to be fat. She was just sharing some tips for me. Thank you Jess. if you're reading this. I appreciate it alot! Your success is my motivation.

Speaking of which here is a picture of my twin whom I'm proud of. Okay who am I kidding right? That's BoA. 2002-2003 She was abit chunky. It was during her No. 1, Valenti & Atlantis Princess era. 2005 onwards starting from Girls On Top. She lost major amount of weight. Netizens said she had surgery done. But I think she just lost her baby fat. Anyways look how gorgeous my twin is.


Wish I could be like her. So perfect. BoA fighting! Kuss fighting! I had a tiff with keling today. Actually it was kind of my fault. I was being irritating to hyung. But hyung was pretending to be sleeping. So that keling went "Shut up lah Kuss". Like what the fuck? I wasn't even irritating you. So I got mad and yeah my expression totally changed. Then she tried to apologise to me during lunch. I basically ignored her. Because it wasn't sincere at all. Anywho, I'm not gonna make myself so miserable because of you bitch. If you ever read this. Yes it's you Haseena Aktar bte Ismail! Dang. I feel like a total bitch right now. Not that I am one. But I sound like one since I'm bitching about her. Sorry. No more bitching anymore. I promise! LG SHINE KIDARYO! =)



I'm back from school. Exhausted, oily face & hair, sweaty palms etc. You get it. I can't seemed to stop talking about her. It's like word-vomit. Dang! I'm glad that CPF talk lasted more that 1 hour. Mrs Sim was so kind to give a pretty short quiz for unit 1, Auditing. mrs sim man seh! man! jo ah! 3 hours in school. From 12 to 3pm. I had to drag my ass to school for that damn 3 hours. But it's no big deal actually. Did nothing much today.

Norrina (my niece) is getting more tamed. Haha. She finally listens to me. I love her so much! Took turns with mom to raise her. It's hell. Went to KK Women's Hospital at 11 pm until 3am when I had classes at 8am cause Norrina had high fever. Cleaned her nasty ass umpteen times. Had to wake up at 3am for her milk. No not breastfeeding. Powder milk ok? It's hell.

Like what the hell am I talking about? Sheesh. I'm better now. I'm not sick like a dog. So I'm going to continue with my daily routines. So watch out. Erm... should I call it extreme makeover? nah... Maybe ..fuck I don't know. Just wait & see.



I'm so pissed right now. Screw you guys. You guys suck big time. Always giving me the pressure until I go crazy and start mutilating myself. Screw you mom for using me all the time. Screw you dad for being an asshole. Screw you sis for making me look like an idiot. Screw the whole world! Fuck!


I'm a tad late when it comes to box-office movies. Harry Potter & The Order Of Phoenix blew me away. Brilliant! hehe The graphics, stunts etc. Everything seems so cool. Kudos to the lady who played the maniac professor. She's a pro! Actually, gotta thank matus for the link. Or else I wouldn't even get to watch it. I wanted to watch the DVD instead. It's pirated by the way. Screw old man's DVD player. Fancy him buying some dumb player which can't play CDs. Bloody moron.

The weather's crazy. I'm not blaming His creation. But it's really burning at Geylang today. Soiled my shirt & undies. oops. I bought 2 tubs of mandi lulur(body scrub) & teh herba asli(natural laxative tea). The tea's for mom obviously. Scrubs are for me. I'm running out of it. Speaking of which I remembered that Indian girl's words. Kind of disturbing. Seriously, I don't think she takes me as a friend. She throws awful criticism at me, makes fun of my self-esteem & doesn't support the things I do. I feel hurt. As though my friendship means nothing to her. Even if I did criticise you in someway or teased you until you get irritated, I always apologise & stop talking when you reacted differently. Don't I mean anything to you? Am I a piece of poop to you? Since you don't want my friendship then I shall back off. I'll give in since I'm the loser. Screw you Haseena. You make me feel lousy most of the times. I don't hate you. But I hate your attitude. I'm deeply hurt by you. Whore. Period. Forgive me for my vulgarities. I swear most of the times. It's like a tradition. hehe.

I tried to draw this on my hands during lecture. But dorky Tan sat next to me. Bummer. Gotta go. Good night Earth!



Even though we fight, but that doesn't mean our relationship will be affected forever. No wonder we are sisters. Smelly feet, oily face & hair. The most disgusting secret has been told. No showers on Sunday. Hahaha. Unless I have dates. Alright here are my daily routines.

Breakfast
4 oatmeal boring buiscuits (julie's brand)
1 cup of hot milo

Lunch
Rice (white ones. i'm azn. we don't eat brown rice)
Chicken skinless
Kailan
Apples

Dinner
Skipped
Drank plenty of water

Workouts
45 mins slow jogging
20 push ups
50 crunches

I have school tomorrow. But I don't feel like going. I have no choice. It's the last semester. I gotta get good grades. I'm a first class student! =)



Thanks! To hyung for the gifts. Xiah oppa looked hot. I liked it alot. Thanks to people who wished me. It made my day. Really. I woke up today with stuffed nose. All thanks to my sister. I caught her flu. I helped match her outfit with a silver glitzy bag. I'm a pro. I almost forgot. Here are my daily routines.

Breakfast
4 small ritz buiscits
1 cup of hot milo

Lunch
1 small plate spaghetti
3 servings of watermelon

Dinner
Fruits

In all meals I drank plentiful of water. It's uncountable. Whenever I have cravings I drink 1 glass of water. I had many cravings today. So I didn't count how many glasses of water I drank. Haha. Seriously it's hard to lose weight. But I'm trying until I get what I want.

Workouts
45 mins slow jogging
20 push ups
50 crunches

I did stretches before & after workouts. That's all I did for today. I'll be doing this for 36 days. I hope to lose 3 kgs every week. I will blog my weight check too. At the end of the week, I'll blog results on my measurements & how much I've loss so far. Pictures will be uploaded soon. Yes very soon. Braze yourself to look at my unsightly fatty body parts. Hahaha. Kuss fighting!



Dang! Happy birthday to me! Eighteen and legal. Nothing's changed though. I'm still a chubby, short-haired weirdo. I haven't been tackling my weight issues well. I'm so sad. I really envy girls with s-lined figure. It's not that I didn't try. I am trying. Actually, I binge whenever I'm sad. It's either I cry it out or binge. I sleep alot too. Mom says that's the reason why I look like balloon. It's been eighteen years. Some things gotta change right? I've decided to make a little weight journal. For the rest of the posts, it'll be all about my daily food intakes, exercises & beauty regime. Don't gimme that look. Support me instead. Wish me best of luck. I'm kinda sceptical about this at first. I'm worried too since this is like so public. Well, here goes nothing.

Information
19 October 2007
Age: 18
Height: 164cm
Weight: 65kg
Measurements: 34, 28, 35

She finally moved out from the house. Now I can drop over anytime for study, watch movies & gamings. My sister is in good terms with me now. I thought she'd never wanna talk to me every again. But I was wrong. She decided to put her ego down & started to joke with me. I hate her most of the times. But I only have one sister. Even though I despise her alot, I do help her out whenever she's in trouble because I still love her. Just like how I love mom. My sister told me that my butt is so big. I think so too. The kebaya I wore felt abit tight around my butt & thigh areas. Anyways, it'll be a 36 days of weight programme for me. So watch out! I'm gonna blow you guys away with my transformation. Hahaha. Kuss fighting!



I remembered vividly.
Every single movements, expressions & words.
It wasn't a pleasant one.

No one respects you now.
You are nothing but a fraud.
A fucked up asshole.

You made everyone think your so great.
But in reality, you're an asshole.
Until you take back your words.
I will never fall on my knees for you.

Hit the spot.
And my name will be known.
"Gruesome murder by daughter"






SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI
TO ALL THE MUSLIMS AROUND
THE WORLD!!

Smiling from ear to ear.
Hope things will get better everyday.
Good health to muslims.
Enjoy this celebration wholeheartedly!
=)



Sipping sinful caffeine.
Cookies turning golden brown.
Burning my eyes out.

I think my eyes gonna look like Seungri's.
Then I can join big bang.
Shall call myself SongGong. (same meaning as seungri, victory)

Little lamb chop was so cute.
She did 3 bears song dance. 너무 귀엽다!
Gonna catch some sleep now.
Ditto.








What a record!
She beat me for umpteen times. smirk
Not trying to be mean or anything like that.
But I really hope something happens to her.

Something really bad. rape, murder, kidnapped etc
If something like that happens, I'm gonna buy myself an ice-cream.
For real.

Reviewed this singer's music video & profile.
Nothing special.
But I really like her songs.
2nd BoA?

That's kind of cliche isn't it?
Be original yo?
I think she'd do well in the music industry. =)
If she ever beat BoA's record sales in j-music,
I'mma eat my own socks!





I'm not jealous or anything.
But it really gets on my nerves.
You've got everything that a girl can dream of.
So why complaining about puny problems?

Talk about drama.
You should go audition for a musical.
I'm sure they'll accept. smirk

I wish I never had financial difficulties.
I wish my parents appreciate me more.
I wish good health to people I know and don't.
Period.




I'm going to bed soon.
But somehow, I had the urge to type it out.

Why do I keep comforting? When I'm the one who needs it.
Why do I keep protecting? When I'm the one who needs it.
Why do I keep caring? When I'm the one who needs it.

Needless to say.
I'm not a bad person.
Neither am I an angel.

I'll always be there.
To whom needs me.
Sadly, most doesn't appreciate.

For my friendship is true and sincere.
But most failed to see.

Curled in the dark corner.
Reminiscing those faults.
Drowned with tears.

I'm sorry I said what I shouldn't.
I'm sorry I did what I shouldn't.
I'm sorry for being a betrayer.
I'm sorry for being a hypocrite.

To err is human.

Dedicated to the ones I've hurt and caused so much pain. Of course this has got nothing to do with boyfriends. This is dedicated to those who once were my friends, closefriends, bestfriends and buddy.




Last night was pretty much tense.
No one was talking.
Just minding their own business.
I'd say, this year's coming festive season ain't gonna be the same.

Since no one really cares, why should I?
I have other issues to solve.
It's been confirm by the expert himself.
I am suffering from extreme stress.

Frequent headaches.
Blurred vision.
Unstoppable tears.
Violent thinking.
Chest pains.

If this doesn't stop.
Someone will die.
In my hands.
Period.



Sometimes things are meant to be left untouched.
Sometimes people think too much about themselves.
Sometimes you're ignorant about something but hates to admit it.

It's not a crime to cry.
It's not a crime to scream.

If it takes away your pain, do it.
If it hurts you more, leave it.



His voice ringing inside my head.
An awful noise.

Despise his acts.
Nothing but a fraud.

Someday he'll pay.
Those painful memories he gave.



It hurts when you know your loved ones hate you.
It hurts when you know your loved ones betrayed you.
It hurts when you know no one's gonna hear you cry.

Things got to stop.
No one likes being treated like dirt.

Tried to stay strong.
But failed miserably.

Frequent headaches.
Vision blurred.
Unstoppable tears.

Is it time already?
Do I have to go now?
Am I dying?



Unbearable.
It hit me like a rock.
No one cared.

nadirah
shima
eugene
eqa
farrah
nazirah
shireen
farahizza

debbie
iman

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